Please Stay With Me Tsunade
by Kakashi Nuttcase
Summary: Kakashi tells of his past and the ruling pain of insanity.  He tells you of his trial with depression and suicide.  He then explains to you how Tsunade will always keep him on his feet.


Recently I have moved out of Naruto's home. It's great to have freedom from all the bustling people, but it's lonely in a way. I'm surprised he's let me go on my own. He after all knows the worst of my sanity. It wasn't that long ago when I watched everyone die and my own sight fade.

"Hey dude why you so down!"

Obito poked my cheek carelessly with a smug grin.

"Nothing it's fine."

He disappeared and reappeared teasing Eko and Moku. I should probably explain... You see when I lost sanity a couple years ago I began to see my dead loved ones. First was dad then Obito. Rin should have been there she after all disappeared for I was told to kill her, there is a lot more to the story but I don't feel like boring you. Then I began to see Asuma with his disapproving gaze. I after all had fooled around with Kurenia when they were a item and she turned out to be pregnant with my child instead. Soon after that Tsunade dumped me all the while explaining she was sleeping with Jiraiya the whole time and that we didn't have love she was just pregnant with my kids. That's when I really snapped...

It wasn't the fact I was upset about the relationship. I was, but that wasn't it. I just couldn't handle seeing them all. The pain that arched through me every time Obito giggled or dad roughed up my hair. It was so... dangerous. I became a sad depressing man. I put up a front for people like Sakura to see, but soon as I was safe from others gaze that kunia didn't look so half bad in my neck. That flesh on my arm if cut didn't feel as bad as the pain they gave me. I'd stare in the mirror for hours and try to hide Obito's eye. I didn't want to see it anymore! That's when Anko came in. She saved me in the beginning. She may have been my stalker, but when she saw my actions she was there to catch me. So many days passed where I couldn't tell if the sun was rising or falling, but I knew she was there. I slept with her and might as well fell in love.

That's when I was finally aloud another mission with her. In the my unsteady gate she took lead. For that reason I watched her die. They had paralyzed me with a surprise kunia attack a while ago and it was taking full effect. I couldn't help her and it was all my fault. I could of saved her if I wasn't so oblivious! I came home and I cried. For the first time in a long time I weeped. I stood in the doorway and begged forgiveness from her. She never responded. I kept looking for her, crying if she wasn't there.

The room wasn't home anymore it was a changing shape full of the horror I knew as my past. I took the kunia's I owned and sliced everything I knew as my body. It hurt so much but I just thought if I kept hurting myself she would come back. I kept expecting her scare me from the corner. I'd scream every time I would dream about the event. I'd wake up every morning and my sight would be gone. All I could see or hear was Obito's death or how I left my family to die in the war. I wanted her that's all. I wouldn't even put on the mask, I had given up.

Naruto came to visit with his ramen again. He was very confused when the door was hanging open, but his shocked expression changed to that of horror when he walked in. I was sitting in the middle of the room talking to Anko. The living space was torn apart and I was wearing month old clothing with dried blood all over my arms. He dropped the bag of food and dashed towards me like I was Sasuke.

I began to live with him. He made sure I was healthy, eating, sleeping. He made sure I wasn't left alone with weapons and he told me everyday of things that I could live for. I kept up my front for Tsunade even though she'd keep coming over to torture me in different ways. Naruto kept his promise to never tell anyone what he saw that day or what he does to keep me together. Tsunade lost the twin girls soon after Naruto's wife had Hakuto. I began to see them too. Eko the smarter twin and Moku the hyper one. They both had Tsunade's bright brown eyes and long silver hair. They aged quickly in my eyes. That was when I stopped cutting. Instead I would write down their names on my wrists and imagine if I cut I was hurting them. So for days on end I would continue to write down Tsunade, Sakura, Anko, Naruto, Eko, Moku, Hinata, Hakuto.

Iruka lived with us as well and we later found out he was hurting Temari. In ways that only a rape victim could understand. I took full control of her protection and Iruka's unborn child. She asked of me to be her boyfriend. I of course agreed, but I didn't love her. I just pretended for her. Even if I wasn't happy maybe I could of made someone else happy. So she had the child, but from all the abuse she gave me I had a stroke. I was pumped with many drugs. Instead of telling them about the horrible screams I would hear and the war I repeatedly saw in my stoned state. I told them I just saw silly things like ponies. We finally killed Iruka, which was all fine. Fun was ended though when I started seeing him and stopped seeing Asuma. Asuma came back to life...

Ignoring the man and avoiding his gaze I joined Anbu again. There I was told I was insane again. But there I also realized I was still hooked on Tsunade. I hated it. I couldn't get away from it. I knew there was a good chance she wouldn't accept me a second time. I was wrong though. I asked her out and she said yes! I was so happy I came home to Naruto and gave him a hug for once. He thought of me as a burden again though when I came home with my leg all fucked up from a Anbu mission. Tsunade was worried and so was Naruto. Even Asuma had a hint of pity for me. But in all truth it felt good. To feel that seizing breathe and the hitched screams. They were familiar and for some strange reason I hold those memories closest to me. A few days later Asuma gave me a head injury in our average fights. I was getting the same feeling received when I gave in to Anko. She came through our front door that day! I was happy, but her stalker ways crept up on me again and she became a nuisance.

I met Tsunade for the first time since we got together. Being as we live so far apart I don't get to see her often. It was nice, calm and relaxing. I think that was the first time in a year since I've been so calm. Even though she had the twins I knocked her up with again she still managed to be tough old Tsunade. I knew then why I loved her so much back then, because I could trust her and know even in the hardest times she would still smack me and tell me it's gonna be okay. Those words are lies though.

When I was taking my last antibiotic for my leg I got all uh... Stoned again. Truth is I can't handle medicine. I woke up in bed with Anko. I yelled at her a lot. I kept thinking about Tsunade how I had yelled at her for cheating on me in the past. I packed up and moved out. I now live alone.

It's scary really. Not the fact that I see Iruka trying his best to make me relive everything, the fact that I hadn't realized how many sharp tools I owned. Their everywhere and I'm not in the red anymore, but they still feel safe when tucked in my carotid artery. So too keep myself together I continue to write their names down on my body. Only realizing one thing could keep me on my feet.

_Please stay with me Tsunade_

**Author Note: **This is from our cosplay. We make backgrounds for the characters and truth be told I think Kakashi is one of our most depressing characters. So please don't hate.


End file.
